We all know what friends with benefits is. It’s that friend ( your bestie in some cases) that you can hang out with, have fun, relax, oh and lets not forget….Get Down Right Dirty With in the bedroom. It seems harmless but after looking into it, it can actually be a very stressful situation. I myself had one of these relationships. I met a guy, we became really good friends, and we decided to start sleeping together, NO STRINGS ATTACHED! This went on for many months. Right now we will call him Hikaru.
Hikaru and I became the best of friends. We would talk about anything and everything and we never judged each other EVER. We realized that we understood each other better than those around us and we became very close. We talked on the phone all the time, texed, sent emails, pictures, and we see each other when ever we could. We eventually started sleeping together but Hikaru wasn’t looking for a relationship and at that time neither was I so we made a deal. We would remain friends, sleep together, and if either of us decided to see someone else or sleep with someone else we would let the other know and it wouldn’t be a problem. Now I am a very busy person. Training in medicine in the USA takes up a lot of time, however I did start falling for Hikaru. I brought up the idea of Hikaru and I becoming more than just friends but he quickly shot the idea down. I eventually stopped asking. Sometimes I just wanted to look into his eyes and say “I am inlove with you”! But I could see he wasn’t having it so I learned to keep my mouth shut. So one week I got really busy in the hospital and with school and didn’t get to talk to Hikaru in that time frame. I was already having a bad day when I received a text from him. The text read,
“Are you fucking someone else?! You know our deal, if you are you have to tell me!”
I looked at the text and thought to myself I have been to busy to even eat or take a bath when the hell would I find time to get laid. I called Hikaru and told him I was busy with school and lecture and he apologized for the text but said he hadn’t heard from me in a week and that wasn’t common so he thought there was someone else. Soon after that I was sitting on the couch in his living room and he sat next to me and said, “What do you think about us making this official?” I am thinking to myself that is what I have been trying to do for a while now but he kept shooting me down. That day he decided to take me off the market and Hikaru and I have been together ever since.
Friends with Benefits relationships can be fun but when does it start to affect your health? It seems easy. You know each other, the sex is at least half way decent otherwise you wouldn’t be doing it, and there is no fear of rejection. Men and woman are wired differently, but men CAN NOT STAND rejection. A Friends with Benefits relationship is safe in most cases because you have a girl that you know really wont shoot you down unless she is sick, in pain, or on her period (unless that is your thing). Stress is a huge factor when the Friends with Benefits relationship takes a turn. When I say takes a turn I mean one of the parties falls for the other.
Sometimes I feel this kind of relationship was developed so if you screw up and sleep with someone else you are safe. Who the hell invented this relationship anyway?
So now you have a great friendship, your happy, and all of a sudden something happens. She/he isn’t available. Maybe they don’t call you for a while. Maybe they are hanging out with other girls or guys. It could be anything, but then you start thinking to yourself. I don’t want him/her with someone else. They aren’t being a real friend anymore. They only call when they want to talk or go out when they suggest it. Now you are stressed, angry, frustrated, and sad. You become quiet, withdrawn, and irritable. WHY? You are only friends, there are no strings attached?! I will tell you why. When you become friends, and comfortable, start sleeping together, you develope feelings whether you admit it or not!
Now the relationship has taken a big turn. You speak here and there but there is tension. Now there is hostility. You want to be around the person but you are mad and now it seems akward. What do we have here? More STRESS! And guess what? Stress will kill you!
Now the fighting starts. Every conversation seems to end with an argument. She is screaming at him, he is yelling at her. He doesn’t want to have this conversation, now she is crying (or maybe he is crying) but now you are acting like a damn married couple on the verge of divorce but you were never boyfriend and girlfriend. How the hell can this be healthy? I am stressed just thinking about.
Then he/she says something sweet. The other starts to smile and now your pretty red thongs are wrapped around his neck while he is stuffing her like a thanksgiving turkey. The arguing has stopped, the makeup sex is awesome ( although you have to be TOGETHER to makeup right?) Now you are back to sleeping together, everything is good for a while and what happens?
They do something to piss you off again!
“NOW WE ARE BACK TO THIS”
She is mad, He is mad, and there is no sex. AGAIN! Now she is angry with him. He is frustrated with her. The entire thing is emotional. The sooner men and woman realize this the better. Some people can have sex with someone just for sex and nothing else however most are not wired that way. When you have something in common, get along, and are intimate feelings eventually change. This is ok! But the men and woman in these relationships need to understand that this can happen and not flip out on each other but talk about it. If she falls inlove with you, don’t shoot her down. If you were man enough to go deep sea diving last weekend you can be man enough to listen to what she has to say. And if the stallion let you saddle up for a ride that doesn’t mean you don’t have to take it back to the stable. The point of this was to address some of the issues in the Friends with Benefits relationships. If you are stressed and feel the symptons of stress something has to give. A lot of these relationships turn into something else. Take Hikaru and I for example. I love him he loves me and we are getting married Yay 😀 BUT they all wont end that way. Get rid of some of this stress by just doing one SIMPLE thing
FUCKING LISTEN TO WHAT THE OTHER HAS TO SAY!